Taking Back Christmas

It's been years since I have enjoyed Christmas;  I mean truly enjoyed it.  Years.  I didn't think think this year was going to be any different.  After years of strained holidays I swore this one was going to be different.  But even after putting up the lights on the house (an accomplishment of of epic proportions few understand), I just couldn't find the Christmas groove. 

It seemed suiting, really, for as disconnected from life as I have been feeling.  Disconnected from my family, from my friends, going through the motions of the days over and over with little significant satisfaction.  My heart has been heavy with it, and my soul troubled.  So when this great season of joy sneaked up on me, I wasn't surprised I snapped at it and looked it in the face with distaste.  

And then something happened this week.  I have been exhausted and a little down with a bit of a cold.  I have spent many a night curled up in a chair.  I have ventured out very little other than work, knowing I have left a lot of last minute things to accomplish with regards to Christmas.  And in all of the hustle and bustle of it, in all of the worrying about the whos and the whats the affordability and the time... and and and... My children have curled up with me, loved me, laughed with me, and said "we have everything we need, mom.  Let's just enjoy each other this Christmas.  Lets sleep in, and see some family.  Lets spend the day in our pajamas and eat tarts and chocolates.  Lets eat turkey at Nana and Papas and play horse races after dessert."  

And this heart grew three sizes... no joke.  I have been a teary mess for two days, gulping down blessings and pride in these wonderful humans I have raised, in awe of how resilient they have been after our whirl wind year of change.  I see my strength in them, and seeing it was my gift a week early.  

And so, here I am.  And I am taking Christmas back.  This Christmas is ours.  It is ours to enjoy; in our pajamas, eating turkey and tarts.  It's ours for Mario Kart battles and dice games.  It's is ours for laughter and love, and for family.  This is our year, and we are taking Christmas back.  

Merry Christmas my friends.  May the Spirit find you, and grow your heart three sizes too big.