Dear Me...

It's been a while... again.  Funny, I was keeping my self from writing posts about moving forward in a blog titled "Moving Forward".  I've been very unfair to myself while trying to spare the feelings of others... or so I've been told.

Tonight, I found myself at the bottom of the shower, letting the tears wash out of me, and letting the water wash away emotion I had been stifling; pushing down to where I can't feel it.  I had forgotten that I am allowed to hurt.  I am allowed to feel anger and grief for parts of my heart that have broken.  It's okay that I feel loss.  I don't have to be so tough all the damn time.

And so I cried.  I let it all wash over me, and out of me.  From the top of my skull, I let the hot water rush over me, carrying my tears back down to the Earth where I stand.   I let what I carried be washed from hands, I let my strength, just for a moment, be drained.

I am back at my writing, renewed, and reminded why I write.  My heart is creased like the well read pages of a good book.  You see, when I love, I love with my whole heart.  I absorb people, I take them in.  I let them dog ear my pages, and put notes in my margins.  I open up, over and over again, loving the read.  And even when the creases and tears occur from careless wonder... I will always love the magic of it all.  Like being lost in a good book is being lost in my heart.  Go ahead, read.  Read my heart.  It's why I write... to let you in.

So for those tonight who sit and read, perhaps unexpectedly even, these are for you...


Dear Single Life,

I didn't think we'd meet again so soon.  I am here for a while, it's time to heal.  You have taught me in the past that it will all be okay, and I am strong enough to take on the world.  I welcome your challenge, but ask that you be gentle, and hold loneliness with closed hands so only bits get out at a time.


Dear Mom and Dad,

Thank you for reminding me tonight of my wings.  I will fly.


Dear his family,

Please know I will always love you, and I will miss you more than you will ever know.  There are many things I don't understand right now, and I almost hope the same is true for you.  I am struggling with this, perhaps the most... how is it that none of you seem to care about what's taken place?  How is it that it's okay for you to pretend I am strong enough for silence?


Dear him.

How is it that I wasn't enough?  How is silence the way to anything at all?



Dear Heart,

You will be okay, I promise... and I don't break promises these days.  You know what love is.  With all the things in life that are mediocre, do not accept love to be one of them.  There is someone that will return love beyond all boundaries.  Always be open to it.


Dear Soul Friend, Amica Stretta, and true friends,

Without you I am lost.  Thank you for finding me in the dark and pulling me into the light.  My heart is freer because of you.  I treasure you, never forget that for one second.


Dear Me...

You have been through so much.  The past fist fulls of days have been filled with sorrow, freedom, joy, and most of all - love in all it's facets.  I am very proud of you for becoming a person you can love before all others.  You are beautiful in your grace.  I look forward to our time together.  I look forward to a remarkable life with you.


Dear Melissa,

I, too, may need rummy gummy bears by the end of Friday... I am so glad you are in my days and make me smile.



Dear Smile...

Welcome back.  I've missed you.




And so my read along friends... one foot in front of the other...

Life Moves Forward.