Speak With Simplicity

I've been thinking a lot lately about communication.  Everywhere I turn, it's in my face.  It's like I always say, when the Universe wants to reveal something to you, it won't stop until it has it's way.

I recently took part in a little seminar thing.  Yes, that's a technical term... It was all about personalities and integrating communication in a given environment.  Some of it was a lot of "yadda, yadda" (again a technical term), but some of it made a lot of sense.

The presenter asked, "how much of language, do you think is actual words?".  My guess was fifty percent, as I have, for a long time, based that assumption on the pretense of 'it's not what you say but how you say it".  I figured, words fifty, presentation fifty.  Turns out, I was WAY off.  The actual words we speak in effort of communication account for only seven, yes SEVEN percent of what we are trying to say.

Well no wonder my expectations are so damn high... I am expecting words to handle fifty percent of what I need to hear.  I have not created room in my expectation for personality, body language, definition, annunciation. I have allowed a world of fifty percent for words... What was I thinking...

Fast forward a couple of days, and introduce Doctor Phil.  Yeah, yeah, I know - Dr. Phil... Seriously, sometimes the dude just makes good sense.  Trust me on this one.  Even I was slapped in the face with "ohhmuhhhgawd".

So, I'm on the couch, watching Dr. Phil (quit judging me, seriously!).  There is a family in shambles - huge surprise.  It's full of drama, and "I hate you"s, and "how could you do this to me"s.  And the brilliant doctor turns to them and says, "I have read your interviews.  Every sentence, every single word.  I have never, in my time here, met a family that uses such catastrophic language!  You are destroying yourselves with words!"

Up on the screen behind him, a slide show started of manuscripts of their interviews.  And he had highlighted their words; "devastated", "ruined", "dead to me", "in shock".  He turns to the momma in this situation of family rivalry, and he says to her, "were you really devastated? Were your limbs taken from you, and you were lying in the middle of the floor, unable to stand vertically and function?  No.  You. Were. Not. Devastated.  You were sad.  Simply. Sad."

The realization of the impact of catastrophic language hit me; and following shortly, simplicity.  How much damage have I done in catastrophic language, and in excepting it as a form of communication.

And so there I sat, contemplating just how I got to this point of acceptance.  The answer, ironically, came to me in the fashion of exactly the communicative virus... silence.  In the face of the absence of communication, or, yes, silence, one tends to accept the words brought to them, no matter the form.

Let me tell you what else I have learned.  Silence, although often one of my favorite things to revel in, is the worst form of communication.  It is the absence of communication, and debilitating factor in the break down of everything that once was good.  A lot can be heard in silence, and like words, only seven percent of what we hear in silence may be the intended message; but add in some body language, personality and environment, and one may have themselves a full blown message.

So kids, today's lesson is simple communication.  When you have something to say, use words.  Fill them with truth, make them real, and for crying out loud, put it out there.  Speak... and speak the truth... even when your voice shakes.