Didn't I Bring You This Far?

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plan."

I just had one of those moments... those overwhelmed, need to have everything planned, how is everything going to work out, gotta make it all work... unsettled...

I would like to say I had a poetic moment of reminder; one that caressed over me like a soft summer breeze.  But the truth is, it kinda slapped me in the face like an abrupt attempt at stopping hysteria... Just let it be. Take a deep breath, and just leave it alone.  It will come to you... whatever it is that is supposed to be, it will come in it's own time...

"After all", said the Universe," didn't I bring you this far?  Just Believe."

Sometimes the hardest thing is the faith in it all.

But then again... 

...this happened when I wasn't looking. 

Someday

There's something strange here in the silence; in the place I touch where you should be laying close to me.  My hand flat, lifelessness under it instead of a beating heart and quiet breath. If I close my eyes, I can see you there... smiling.  Your eyes full with a thousand lives behind us, and just one ahead...

When you are away from me, my soul... it reaches.  It stretches to defy the boundaries of the timelessness that has wrapped us up and holds us in quiet grace.

There is a place will I meet you. Where whispers linger, and touches are gentle like an autumn breeze.  There is a time when we will not have to be without, where time's boundaries vanish like smudged lines that outline our framed existence.  There is a drink for my soul that will quench every thirst and nourish me with all of you....

It's there for the taking...

And someday we will.

Someday.

This Too Shall Pass

It's been a dark and twisty week for me.  It happens when, every day, I have to do something that eats at who I am; that consists of everything I loathe; that I ran from, swearing to never return for the good of my own sanity.  And then I remember, "this too shall pass".

This four word phrase, learned from my momma, has been the savior in all things I have been through.  I remember her saying it.. a lot.  I recall teenage heartache, or girlie fights, or trivial poor exam results, and she would say "this too shall pass".  And wedding planning panic, and child birth pain, and late night worries of a baby's cough.. and I would hear, if only in my head, "this too shall pass".  Even in financial stress... "this too shall pass".

I remember many days that consisted of thinking I wasn't going to get up off the floor, and being reminded "this too shall pass"; through shattered pieces, fear, and tears, tomorrow is a new day.  No matter what, the sun is still climbing in tomorrow's sky, and will move the hands of time regardless of what we put in it's path.  Time will pass.

As I sat at dinner tonight with my mom, I started to hear it, but I heard it differently.  This talk about my need for independence and in it defiance; security blankets; apron strings, and bricks in walls... "This too shall pass".  This leash that holds me back from what is right in front of me... "this too shall pass".

I almost wonder if she heard it too, not so differently,  in the little bit she lets go, just enough to let me fly, and how she hurts to see me want to go... "this too shall pass".

With every struggle comes relief of it all - when the time passes, and our wisdom grows.  A time where scars cover open wounds, because nothing can remain broken forever...even a fragile heart. That too, has passed.

In Love With The Night

Sometimes I wish my eyes could snap photographs and I could print out all the memories I want to hold onto... I mean tangibly, right there to revisit - hold on to.

I laid in bed watching him in the moonlight last night.  The room was blue with nightfall, moon light streaming in, and gently laying shadows across his face.  I laid my hand on the side of his face, in all of his peacefulness, knowing very well the extent of his contented heart, and in it, my own.

Even in his sleep, he smiles.

This moment, preciously, will forever be kept in my soul.  And all over again, I am in love with the night.

Every Time I Look At You

Look at you... just standing there
The whole world still
In the summer air.
I breathe you in,
You hold my soul.
If you could see this world unfold.
Every kiss, every touch
Every moment I feel so much
The entire world is all brand new
Every time I look at you.

I have watched the sun set on your skin
This feeling inside,
Where’ve you been
Moon beams flashed in your eyes tonight
Me and you, wrapped in twightlight
You are the brightest star in my sky,
You are my every reason why.

I have to catch my breath when I see
That face of yours smiling at me
Every kiss, every touch
Every moment I feel so much
The entire world is all brand new
Every time I look at you.

I never knew
This love till now
Just looking at you
You’ve shown me how.
The things that I see,
I’ve never known
I’m down on my knees
Don’t ever go.

Every kiss, every touch
Every moment I feel so much
The entire world is all brand new
Every time I look at you.

Every time...
Don’t you see.
My soul is home.
This is you and me.
Close your eyes, see it too
What I see, when I see you.

It's My Turn

There is that place between sleep and awake, that foggy state of consciousness and dream. That place where dreams wander and thoughts escape with reckless abandon.  That is a place where souls are free and dancing on moonbeams is common place.  Whispers are soaked with sweetness, and pleas are heard by forces too great to comprehend.  That is the place where one is safe in a home gifted to us by our soul’s intentions.  A place to just let it all be...

That is where I wished for you; where I prayed.

And here I stand, in great serendipitous wonder of how this love could be.

I heard it first inside my soul and I whispered it out loud, carefully, in that moment of realization.

“It’s my turn.”

It’s my turn...

Joy Should Be Anything But Quiet

It's not always easy, this whole moving forward thing... especially when you don't trust in yourself.  Thing is, kids, I am not talking about me this time... but there is someone that needs to hear this. 

Just because you've decided to move forward, doesn't mean you've done something wrong.  It just means you've chosen to be happy.  And your joy doesn't need to be a secret. That's like hiding under an umbrella in the glorious sun after the rain.

Turn your face towards the sun, and let the shadows fall behind.