Peace Renewed

Right now, it's just before seven o'clock. The evening is cooling off, and I am acutely aware of the things around me. Every sound, every way the light settles around me. It's all renewed in this peace I have found.

The dogs are panting from the heat of the day. My girl is jumping on her trampoline, practicing like the next cheer season starts tomorrow. My boy is painting. I can hear trucks on the highway - one of my granddad's favorite sounds. The barbeque smells of recently cooked dinner, and the house is quieted of anything but hobbies. The patio set on the back deck my new space tonight to write.

I've been pondering myself a lot again. What I could have done differently, what I could have been more of. The thing is, I have really learned to be the person I would want to love. So, in my independence, and in my need to be in an equally independent relationship - I wouldn't have changed a thing. I can't change opinions of who I am or what I have given, but I can know that above all else, I was true to myself; and in that, I find extraordinary peace.

I have decided not partake in the negativity of all of this ending of things; the things that make us move forward. I have just chosen to be sufficiently satisfied with the Universe's decisions and what is now in front of me. The anger and sharpness that often accompanies endings - well it just isn't in who I've decided to be. Not after all this time, and all the work I have put into me.

I have seen hurt manifest itself in many ways. Blame, displacement of anger, resentment. I even, for a day or two, took it on myself. I even tried on for size the things that were said of me... they didn't fit. But that can't be my concern. It's not mine to own.

A light breeze is blowing, settling the Earth. I am content in it. This smile, and these thoughts of what's to come enthrall me. The path ahead of me is on fire and I have a hunger for the journey.



p.s... gosh I hate flying ants...even when it's peaceful... I mean really - what's their purpose? Better than flying spiders I suppose...