Endings and Family Ties

I wrote this post a long, long time ago, when I was trying to heal, going through some dark times, trying to find some light. I was writing a series of chapters about "The Beginning" and "The End" (good ol' divorce pain and anguish).  And now as I watch people close to me going through the similar things, I thought I would share these thoughts all over again... for the healing of it. The Lesson of it? Do not get involved in that which does not concern you. Your life will be filled with plenty of battles of your own. Just move forward.


Family Ties...

It is not human nature for everyone on Earth to get along, and we certainly were not given the right to pick our family. We are given the people in our lives for reasons we have learned, or will come to learn. Our family shapes us, as humans. They determine our values, our morals, our characters. We take the traits we love and adopt them for our own. We refuse the parts of those people that make us cringe at humanity. I have done both, and with love. And in a conscious decision to shape myself, I shut out all negativity and refuse anger. I will remain in control of my own life, outside of the devises of family. I will not delve into judgement, I live in acceptance. And I wish the same for all members of my family. My wish for them is unconditional love and acceptance. If they do not know it now, I wish for them the lesson of it.

Often people forget about the families that were created in The Beginning long before The End. Love joins people, it connects their souls. We are offered up new hearts to connect to, and personalities to learn from. It is a beautiful joining in The Beginning. Two families become one. It is The End that is devastating for many families when it doesn’t need to be. I have watched families be torn apart by others Endings. It is an unnecessary travesty that human beings create out of hatred, jealousy, and revenge. It is saying “my family can beat up your family” and having your conscience be ok with it. This is your opportunity to be one of the world’s better human beings and just let it be. Let it be The End for you, and leave your family out of it – for their own protection, out of your love for them, and for yourself.

Families feel it is their right to participate in your life. They deem their opinion warranted and their ideas valid. This often causes family to get in its own way of getting out of the way. What I mean is, unless asked for help, and with careful consideration it is truly fair and right, ask family to keep judgement to themselves and solutions as a suggestion. Your Ending does not have to include them, but without careful attention, may very well. Do not encourage hatred for situations that do not include them. Family members are leaning posts, are never meant to be trees in our path that we have to manoeuvre around in order to move forward. The only person who has a right to participate in your life is you. The rest are in it by privilege and invitation.

I decided, while writing this part of my chapter, that I won’t share a story here. My End, as many others with family ties, came with much sadness. I could tell about how I packed the last of my things as the snow fell, and my mother in law stopped by with her last Christmas present of our time together, and hugged me good bye. She bought me desert bowls- enough for all of us. I could tell of the time my sister in law had a baby and I wasn’t there to hold it. I could speak of the aunts that carried on cooking bees without me, or the brother in laws that would sneak in hugs when no else was around. I could tell of holidays that carried on, the families that grew as time ticked onwards. I could tell you, but to this day, the End of the Family brings me pain. It hurts my heart, and so I will replace it with the lesson. Leave them out of it. No matter the circumstances of your End, it need be between only two. Even when they want in, even when they have anger for you, and they want to fight with protection and loyalty, beg them to stay out of it. The End is hard enough.